Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize