Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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