fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
