I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Who died my cat blue again?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
