oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
