Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
