I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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