Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize