Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
