Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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