why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize