That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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