In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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