This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
