NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
