Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Randomize
