He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
