Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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