Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize