You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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