Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
