i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
