Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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