i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
