so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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