So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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