This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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