Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
