i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm too high and old for this...
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