You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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