Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
