yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
