she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
