these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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