Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
