I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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