Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
