he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
