You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
