walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
