Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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