Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
