I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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