What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
