He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
