i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't just leave with hair like that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
