Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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