but the lizard people decide everything anyway
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
