he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
