I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Terrible idea I love it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
