he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Green mimosas i think yes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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