He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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