The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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