It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize