Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
