this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
