hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
