I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
