I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
