Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
