she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
