took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
