I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize