He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
