If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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