It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
